BY CHRIS MILLSPAUGH
For the last few years, this country has been divided into two warring factions on seemingly every topic under the sun, further impeding our progress for the future. It appears that whatever the subject is, we Americans can devoutly argue the merits of one side versus the other. Sure, politics and religion have always been the most popular topics to fume about with staunch convictions of knowing the truth and what will be best for all concerned. But now there are other equally demanding subjects to address, such as climate change, sexual abuse and the “Me, Too” movement.
Then there’s immigration, a border wall, family separations, Black Lives Matter, wolves, ecology, forest fires, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, locusts, education, health insurance, taxes, driving skills that evoke road rage, banks… did I mention wolves? And, money, money and more money problems!
The list goes on and on. I don’t venture out much anymore because it seems one will get involved with a combative citizen with a different point of view, which will anger you to the very core of your being.
Thus, I’ve adopted a formula in which to engage these varied forays into heated debate with my fellow man. To every stated belief I simply reply: (“oh”). You’re not going to change anyone’s mind in the brief time lapse you spend entering into a discussion with another at Atkinsons’, buying Temptations for your beloved feline. Better to say (“oh”) and move on down the aisle.
This works marvelously for such statements as: “Republican conservatives suck!” My retort? (“oh”). “Bleeding heart liberals suck!” Once again, (“oh”) will handle it. “Hey, Mike Pence has been named to address the coronavirus pandemic in America” (“oh”). “Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi ought to be shot! (“oh”).
You can’t stand it—your President of the United States of America is Donald J. Trump! (“oh”). “Well, I hate wolves!” (“oh”). “The BLM is corrupt!” (“oh”).
“These forest fires are out of hand!” (“oh”). “I’m so glad the snowfall this year has been minimal! (“oh”). “But then, what about the water in the reservoir in the spring? (“oh”). “At least there won’t be flooding in Hailey’s China Gardens!” (“oh”). But we might run out of water! (“oh”).
Are you telling me I have to shave my beard because the coronavirus will attack it? (“oh”). “We’ve got too many foreigners in this country. Thank God for The Wall!” (“oh”). “Cox Communications is a ripoff!” (“oh”). “I wouldn’t have a ‘Dish’ if you paid me!” (“oh”).
“I’ll shoot any wild animal in my yard! (“oh”). “Did you see that pickup cut me off this morning?” (“oh”). “All senior citizens should be rounded up and have their driver’s licenses taken away! (“oh”). “Teenagers are losers!” (“oh”). “Vote (“oh”) on Proposition 21!” “Just say (“oh”) to drugs!”
Hey, this isn’t funny! (“oh”).