BY JOELLEN COLLINS
I was privileged recently to share Passover with family in Modesto, California. The weekend I stayed with my daughter’s in-laws was filled with love, laughter, and the joy of being with grandchildren as well as many loving adults. Also, as seems to happen frequently in this passage of life, I learned something new and precious. Almost every day I have been able to encounter something valuable, humorous or fascinating from the people around me, and this weekend was no exception. Thus, the tradition of Passover, complicated and intently honored by this family, was a practice of love, laughter, and quiet reverence, a combination of rituals and exquisitely prepared food representing the passages of Jewish communities over centuries.
Before we returned from our own homes after the Passover events, we spent a quiet and sacred time at the grave of my son-in law’s father (referred here by his nickname, Buzz,) who was buried a year ago after a long illness. Some of his good friends accompanied us to the burial site, where we gathered around the gravestone, covered by a soft cloth, and listened to the rabbi of his synagogue share several thoughts and sacred messages before we moved closer to the stone. When she finished, she removed the cover and we could read the words noting the life span of this beloved father, husband and friend.
Shortly after this ritual, we were given small stones to put around the edges of the grey tombstone. I hadn’t been involved before in this part of a final remembrance. The rabbi explained to us, as we bent towards the earth to line the gravestone’s edges, that these rocks are meant to note the same kind of reverence as flowers, but blossoms are not allowed around Jewish monuments. She explained that flowers, while beautiful as blossoms, wither and die, while stones signify the permanence of the soul and our memories of the deceased. Some of them placed at this site had been collected on trips or places dear to the family to serve also as reminders of special times shared.
There are some other reasons for the placement of stones, evolved traditions that may be widely accepted as carried to modern times. You may have seen in movies or in other countries the additional placing of written notes meant to accompany the souls and note that the departed will continue to live on in the mourners’ memory. One “modern” addition was greeted with special wry smiles, as some of the stones were lined up next to added golf tees. Buzz was a devoted golfer, as was his friend buried in the plot next to him. There were some gentle reactions to the idea that maybe their souls will be able to connect through eternity as partners in their long-time love of the game of golf.
So once again I had another meaningful lesson in my amazing life. I found an unexpected way to be a witness to the tender actions of a grieving but loving family. I am blessed to be with such positive and kind people.