BY CHRIS MILLSPAUGH
Whoops, my bad. I forgot to write a column this week. There really isn’t any excuse because I’ve had the last two weeks to get it done. I just kept putting it off, procrastinating daily all the way up to deadline. I clearly couldn’t think of a damn thing to say to you folks, and for that I truly apologize.
I was going to write about my weight gain during this quarantine. My daughter, Emily, suggested, “Fat Lives Matter,” but I just couldn’t bring myself to self-incrimination.
Then, I thought, hey, what about the Trump political rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where our president thought it would be a good idea to do a mass get-together in a 19,000-seat arena in the midst of a world pandemic.
It was scheduled for June 19th, the day that black folks were freed from slavery but, fortunately, saner minds interceded and it was postponed until the next day. I almost forgot to watch it on TV and, I guess, so did thousands of potential attendees let it slip their minds, as well. According to the Tulsa Fire Marshals, only 62,000 supporters showed up and the arena appeared to be only one-third full to capacity. Apparently, there wasn’t an overflow crowd outside and that event had to be scrapped altogether. What a shame.
So, what else could I have written about? Oh, yeah, the state of sports-watching this summer. The Major League Baseball Association cannot agree on whether or not they’re going to play this season, the National Basketball Association has been waiting to complete their season, but the National Football League plans to open their season on time in the fall to coincide with the onset of the second wave of the coronavirus. Can you believe it?
So, I just couldn’t figure out what to put down on paper even though I had a great Father’s Day, and my cat, Myles, did a number of fantastically funny antics, which I will tell you about as soon as I remember.
Well, why didn’t you write about the protests all over the world of police brutality? Hey, it was just too sad for a humor column. Well, you could have commented on the fact that we’re in the first week of summer and of all the chores that you keep putting off. The lawn and berm are covered with weeds, so much so that you tell everyone that it’s a delayed rendition of my winter wheat crop and to leave me the hell alone!
It’s hard getting old. I tend to forget things—like the column for the week, for instance.
Sorry!
Nice talking to you.