BY JOELLEN COLLINS
Because my devout mother celebrated Christmas in a thoroughly sweet Swedish way, this season allows me to indulge in happy memories of laughter, music, loving family gatherings, Lucia Day, smorgasbords, and homemade ornaments.
Holidays always bring me strong feelings of nostalgia, an emotion I imagine I share with many. This year, however, these emotions have been permeating my daily life in unexpected ways.
This year my recollections are bittersweet when I think about some dear friends who are no longer here, especially two dynamic, intelligent and thoroughly exemplary college friends. I can no longer connect and laugh with them through phone calls, holiday cards, letters or emails. I smile and cry over them at the same time.
Even the unexpected and blessed discovery of my birth family has produced a variety of emotions. This is the first year I have been aware that my biological mother did not die in childbirth. While I had the most loving adoptive family, I have wondered how my life would have been had I been brought home to a small town in Texas instead of starting my life in San Francisco. I wouldn’t change anything about that, but wish that I could have had the chance to become closer to my new family, especially my found brother in Oklahoma. We lack shared experiences, and life may be too short to develop many.
Viewing the funerals for President George H.W. Bush also saddened me, as I was reminded of a way of leadership that seems gone: the dignified and honorable governance of a decent man. The overwhelming display of music, eulogies and apparent love for him made me long for leaders who reflect the decency, humility and civility I hope our country still embraces.
The most healing time for me, fortunately, continues to be my involvement in this supportive and warm community, especially through my participation in several amazing choral options.
Last week I sang with the Caritas Chorale in their annual community concert. The experience was thrilling because of the joy that arises when people sing beautiful music together and are led by the likes of R.L. Rowsey, whose enthusiasm for music and its performers is contagious.
“I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day,” a carol we presented, illustrates the happiness one can have while experiencing such works. Using words by Longfellow, the song’s lyricist expresses his cynicism. He says, “Hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to man.”
Then, however, he hears the bells pealing. They speak to him: “God is not dead nor doth He sleep—the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth, good will to men.” Following this passage, the choir sings in deep and harmonic unity… “RING THE BELLS… ring them loud, ring them strong.”
Singing these optimistic words with other people of whatever faith and sharing their joy in that moment was a perfect way to deal with my mixed feelings in a positive way. I am grateful for both season and for song.