BY DOVE
I was blessed to have a very confident father. He had left home when he was 14 to make his way in the world. He finished school and also got advanced education. He signed off every B-24 bomber than flew during World War II. He always wanted to be a pilot but, due to health issues, he could not be in the military, so he served in the way he could.
At 54 years of age he bought himself an airplane and then learned how to fly it. Now that is confidence! He always told me that it didn’t matter if you failed, but it was important that you tried. He always gave you space to make your mistakes, but you had to try. He was very slow to give praise because he had been raised to believe if you showed too much love, it was a sign of weakness. And, if you got all A’s and one B in school, he would ask you why the B. Somehow you knew he really cared.
My father was a great provider, working two and three jobs at a time. We were the first family in Bonners Ferry to have TV way back in the ’50s because he put in a TV cable for the whole town, along with all his other entrepreneurial endeavors. Because he made you challenge yourself, you developed a belief in your abilities to think things through and finish a project. The rule was, you couldn’t play until you finished your chores, thus developing a definite work ethic, which has always served me well.
My father loved humor. I remember one time, while I was in high school, we were sitting at the breakfast table and he asked me what was that on my neck? My brain was quickly working out a response as to how I could explain the “hickey” on my neck from a hot date the night before and I responded, “I got burned by a pair of hot lips.” My father laughed and the incident was buried, never to be spoken of again. God bless humor.
When my father was in the process of releasing his body, I went to visit him. He had Alzheimer’s, but at this moment he was cognizant and he asked me, “What kind of a father have I been?” Can you imagine the courage it took to ask that question? I thanked him for the gift of confidence and a great work ethic. I thanked him for being a great provider and a person who always took care of family members, from providing a home for my grandparents to giving lodging to many of my mother’s family at different times during his life. He also said, ‘You know, the only thing you get to take with you is the love.’ He was the best father he could be.
Let us take a moment this Father’s Day and recount all of the positive contributions our fathers made to our lives, even if it was just to give us a body. Be grateful for all the good and let the rest go. There is no manual for this most difficult role because each child requires something unique. Just keep the love. Dove