BY CHRIS MILLSPAUGH
I interviewed a local man this week to see what has changed in his life since the events of the last two weeks—the pandemic, the death of George Floyd, the subsequent protests and demonstrations throughout the world, unemployment, and the mood of the country:
– So, what is your opinion about the events in this country and the world?
– What are you talking about?
– Well, for one, the coronavirus.
– Oh, I don’t care.
– You don’t care about the pandemic and its effect on the people of the world?
– Not really.
– Well, at least do you observe proper distancing and wear a mask?
– No.
– You don’t wear a mask?
– Not since Halloween.
– Do you stay at least six feet from others?
– No. I just walk through them if they’re in my way.
– But what if you have the virus?
– Well, they better get out of my way, shouldn’t they?
– But…
– Hey, I don’t have any disease. I know my own body.
– But you could be a carrier.
– So could my cat. It’s all a hoax.
– A hoax?
– Yeah. It’s coming out of China’s Wuhan Valley.
– You believe that?
– Yes, I do.
– Let’s change the subject. Do you believe in “Black Lives Matter”?
– I believe in “My Life Matters.”
– What about the death of George Floyd?
– Sorry to hear that.
– Really?
– No.
– No? Haven’t the protest marches and demonstrations affected you in any way?
– No.
– No?!
– Good TV, though.
– How can you be so apathetic by all this?
– Practice.
– Practice?
– Uh, yeah. I don’t let anything bother me if it’s not about me.
– You know, people would say that is incredibly selfish.
– Yeah. I don’t care.
– What about unemployment. Do you have a job?
– No. I’m on unemployment compensation… get a check every two weeks.
– And, you can live on that?
– Sure. I got a stimulus check and I might get another one soon.
– Have you been looking for a job?
– No one’s hiring.
– What do you do for work?
– I’m a shepherd.
– Come on!
– Okay, I’m just kidding.
– What do you really do?
– I’m an environment defacer.
– What?!
– Hey, if it wasn’t for me, all those “Save the Whales” people would be out of work.
– So, you don’t care about the environment, the pandemic, unemployment and police brutality?
– In a word… no.
– How can you live with yourself?
– Just fine.
– Just yourself?
– Right.
– And you’re fine with that?
– It’s “all the much” I have.
– What about friends, family?
– I don’t care about them. They have their own problems. I leave them alone.
– What about everyone else on the planet?
– What about them?
– What if they said they didn’t care, either?
– That’s up to them. I really don’t care.
– Well, I think I’ll have to end this interview right now!
– Knock yourself out.
– I just can’t understand your apathetic and rebellious stance on everything that’s wrong in the world.
– Did I mention that I don’t care?
– Hey, we’re all in this together!
– No, we’re not! You’re all in that together. I just don’t care!
Folks, this is an example of the selfishness of mankind. We must rally together and “Make America Love Again.” Or do you really not care?
Nice talking to you.