Pisces: The stars are reporting that this next year of your life is looking very promising. So it looks like you need to be prepared for lots of new opportunities and you’ll need the guts to take advantage of them. That’s why your words of wisdom will come from fellow Pisces, our first President, George Washington: “Perseverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.”
Aries: There is a theory that skiing, or snowboarding, are the perfect family sports. That’s because instead of cheering from the sideline, parents can actually participate with their kids. Plus there’s the downtime together on the lift to chat. This theory makes two things obvious: First, it was clearly conceived by someone who doesn’t have teenagers. Secondly, anytime you can get exercise outdoors with people you love you’re living life right.
Taurus: Since you good but stubborn people from this sign could use a little work on forgiving the rest of us for not being as perfect as you, here are some new mottos to choose from. 1) Never blame lazy people. They didn’t do anything. 2) I solve all my problems by creating new ones as distractions. 3) Never let the whole staircase overwhelm you. You can only take one or two steps at a time anyway.
Gemini: There’s an old saying that strong women and men aren’t born—they are made by the storms they walk through. As one of these people, you can probably relate. As the final weeks of winter wind down, please keep this in mind and be kind to others, especially those who aren’t as much of a badass as you are.
Cancer: This much we know is true: B) It’s no fun to get kidnapped by mimes, because they’ll do unspeakable things to you. C) Cancerians are known for having exceptional senses of humor and can laugh easily, and sometimes at nothing. D) From e.e. cummings, “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
Leo: One of Clouds’ heroes, a Leo named Bob Todd, went to the great savannah in the sky recently. Like most Leos, Bob could do just about anything well, had a great memory, a terrific sense of humor and could be as tough as a lion. In his honor, please make this lyric your new motto, “Cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile. There’s nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.”
Virgo: In Franklin’s Tower there hangs a bell. It can ring, turn night to day. It can ring like fire if you lose you way. With daylight savings time kicking back in, it might seem like you’re living in Franklin’s Tower, or at least in the neighborhood. That’s why it’s best to remember that if you get confused, listen to the music play.
Libra: Just like a car full of gas, we really only have so much energy to get us through each day. That’s why we shouldn’t waste so much of it on idle worry. Instead, we should waste it on daydreaming, on being kind and on doing enjoyable things while naked. That’s also why your new philosophy is to use your energy like you’re a Prius and not a Land Rover.
Scorpio: There are a lot of theories on love. Some say it’s found, some say it’s created. Clouds says it’s a little bit of both. While Scorpios are passionate and stubborn enough to make any love last, it’s a bit easier with Cancers, Virgos and Pisces. It’s also easier when Scorpios accept that they agree with this line from Robert Frost: “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
Sagittarius: Clouds is a big fan of sex and relationship coach Kim Anami. This is in part because Kim’s go-to advice for just about anything in life is the same as Clouds’—make more whoopee. It is also because Kim is always telling us something you, especially, should remember: enlightenment is a constant work in progress. That’s why you should adopt her life’s mantra: “If you aren’t scared sh!tless, you aren’t aiming high enough.”
Capricorn: Caps are known for being straight shooters and not just at the gun range or the pool hall. While this often serves you well, it also sometimes creates challenges when it bruises feelings or egos. Since life doesn’t come with autocorrect, try being more careful with your words, because you can’t just say, “Hey autocorrect, I wasn’t saying duck.”
Aquarius: A big part of life for most of us involves healing. We either spend time trying to heal from physical and emotional challenges in life or we put energy into avoiding doing so. While the latter is more popular and explains the success of things like beer and Netflix, the former isn’t as hard as we think it is. Here are some things that can help: Try to respond instead of simply react to life. Enjoy alone time. And set boundaries, especially with smelly funguses.