BY JOELLEN COLLINS
A line from a review of the film “Marriage Story” struck me as a fresh way of describing the tensions between levels of income even in a “classless” society.
The couple are in the throes of a marriage gone terribly wrong. Like the glamorous movie stars of old, they seem “above” the rest of us mortals. On the surface, their lives are rich, both in income and creative vocations many would envy. But their pain is deep in spite of outward appearances. The reviewer said, “They reminded you that no one is too beautiful to feel pain.”
A few days ago I had a conversation with a longtime resident of our valley about the persistent problems reflected in the attitudes between the wealthy and those who work for and around them. Resentments have escalated because of the lack of affordable housing for many with lower incomes. My friend and I compared how we have reacted to these tensions and what we have done as part of the less-than affluent neighbors. One caveat: I know that I am still more blessed with material comforts than most of the rest of the world.
It is tempting to be jealous of those we perceive with an “easier life,” and there were times that I would let these feelings take space in me. However, I have learned that this is counterproductive and a waste of energy. We need to aim to be the best of our true selves, and sometimes this is a non-lucrative path.
As a teacher, I didn’t earn much money, but I loved my profession. I have received an education that is inestimable, had chances to find more profitable positions, lived in lovely homes, and managed to travel the world and live and work with modest budgets. I am no less happy today than if I had made more lucrative choices.
In short, I have learned to coexist gracefully with people of more means, many of whom have contributed huge financial support to the blessings I enjoy, like the Sun Valley Musical Festival, brilliant theater, the Writers’ Conference and The Community Library, to name just a few of the delights other money has created. I am thankful for these people and refuse to resent them for their choices.
However, what this article stimulated in my thinking was the knowledge I have gained as a wife, teacher, writer and communicator; that life deals everyone challenges, that often joy is appreciated because of pains and setbacks, and that we usually live the lives we pursue.
We do not know what some else’s life is really like, situations often not comprehended by people looking in from the outside. We cannot always soothe another’s pain or even know it exists. I have learned to wish happiness for others, a result that might make the world better for all of us. I mustn’t judge or diminish the achievements of others or resent their joys or privileges that I might wish I had.
Rich or poor, we all have memorable stories. I hope I choose empathy rather than envy.