BY JOELLEN COLLINS
Keeping in touch with friends is supposed to be simple, with instant and worldwide contact through social media. Nonetheless, even though we try to keep up with the latest technology, some of us are bewildered by the vast array of options open to us, especially those used to writing on paper, telephoning, or using snail mail.
Christmas of 2017 seemed especially odd to me, because cards from two of my college friends with whom I had exchanged simple Christmas greetings for decades didn’t arrive. Over the years, my list of mutual seasonal exchanges has narrowed, of course, due to moves, illnesses, or simply the ease of email greetings. Some seemed to disappear. I later was able to find one of the two friends and visit her a few weeks before she opted out of the drastic life she was living with complete liver failure.
Just today I received in my post office box a beautiful tribute to the other friend, Joy, my college roommate, on the occasion of her burial just this past month in Arlington Cemetery. I had hoped that I would be informed when this honor happened, but it has been, due to government regulations, awhile since I first learned of her passing almost a year ago.
I had tried during all of 2018 to find her but couldn’t locate her; all former contact sources were nonexistent. Only because she has a fairly unusual last name, and through searching for obituaries, was I finally able to reach her son’s wife, who informed me of her move from Washington, D.C., to California months earlier, her tenure in a nursing home, and her demise. I was happy at least to talk to her lovely daughter-in-law and share some stories and my affection for this remarkable lady, but I never got to say “goodbye” to her.
Recently, the Senior Connection held a “Navigating Longevity Summit” at the Y to review the options and resources for those facing old age or for their family members. The speakers noted things one should do, even as younger people, to make decisions and be of more help during family emergencies, such as injury, fatal illness or sudden death. Participants urged the keeping of vital information close at hand, known, and available to family and friends, such as legal and financial documents, wishes for home or nursing care, lists of medications and doctors and securing advanced care (such as “Do Not Resuscitate”) directives.
I will add one other list as I ponder my recent separation from contact with beloved friends and family. I am recording the means of contact of those I would want to know about a prolonged illness, change of address, or an end of life happening to me, especially if I still could communicate with them. I would have loved to smile, one more time, with my friend Joy, and now my elder cousin Mari, who seems to have vanished from this earth, no matter how many ways I try to find her.