By Eric Valentine
“Whether or not we’re headed into a bleak or bleaker winter is dependent on what we do… We want to be prepared for the worst.”
That’s what Dr. Anthony Fauci said on Meet The Press last Sunday regarding … Christmas shopping! That’s right, the holidays are here and it’s time for gift-giving, merriment and gluttony—enough of the latter to require a resolution for the ages, something about losing weight, but of course for just health reasons. The vanity has until late spring, when bikini-shape takes over modern consciousness. Mushrooms anyone?
The brand-spanking-new Omicron variant of the coronavirus is about three weeks away from hitting American shores (and some resort-area mountains, too), experts say. And with its 30-mutation spike protein, it’s likely to spread faster than the Delta variant of COVID that’s still packing the majority of ICUs across the United States. Just one more thing we can all disagree about. Bah humbug!
So, rather than “blame the media” or claim “Trump made everything worse” or [insert most recent Biden joke here … none have really stuck yet, it seems] for the kerfuffles that are about to occur, consider during your holiday shopping sprees an online purchase of a product that unites us all, rather than divides—the face covering with attitude, the mandatory-in-67%-of-all-places accessory, a mask. Specifically, one from MaskingMore.com.
Masking More is a brand established by B.C. Hatch, a former fashion model and contestant on “America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 8” who now authors and designs children’s books for her own publishing company. It’s a background that explains mask designs like the tip-of-the-cap to Dr. Fauci that simply says “FAUCI” with a logo that references the famous (infamous?) Gucci brand. And full disclosure, Hatch partnered with me on the copywriting. That explains masks like the one with a sheep and the words “I’m a Baaaa-dass” on it. It also explains soon-to-come T-shirts with the words “I got vaccinated last month and my stupid microchip still doesn’t work.”
The masks poke a little fun at both sides of the philosophical spectrum—OK, they definitely swing a bit to the left—while still doing what they’re supposed to do: mind control us … I mean prevent a few bacteria and viruses in one person from entering inside our nose and mouth. I realize that experience is so popular there’s probably a whole category on Pornhub for that sort of thing, but a real-life demo can wait until the pandemic is over.
For the time being, think of it this way. You put on your underpants, right? But really, they’re under pants, so the rule is kind of like: “Underwear Optional!” Now imagine it’s half-off kale smoothies week or wet burrito Wednesday at the office cafeteria, can’t we all agree it’s a really good idea to wear underpants that day? Well, folks, it’s Thursday morning and you like rayon blends.
What unites us is this: We all want normal as close to now as possible. And a touch of humor might be the prescription we all need to ring in the world’s best medicine—laughter, from ear to ear.
Look, all this kerfuffle is why MaskingMore is trying to make wearing a mask a little more fun. So fun, you might wear them for the rest of forever. Wait … that’s what some folks are afraid of. America, what a mess! Christmas, even messier!
