BY JOELLEN COLLINS
Over many holiday seasons, I have thanked my women friends profusely for their kindness to me. It is time to honor some of the wonderful men that I have known, my merry gentlemen: they have formed a male presence that has left me knowing how fortunate I have been blessed with their positive, friendly, and even loving treatment towards me.
I need first to honor my sweet, funny, father, and my darling Uncle Doc who served as the equivalent of two fathers to me and gave me affection, encouragement, freedom, lots of laughter, examples of decency, and a wonderful childhood. I still miss them immensely. Then there were other family members, especially cousins who were so marvelously good, adventurous, and friendly, who spoiled me into thinking that all men should be this way. My last view of my special cousin Tom, a few days before he died, was of him blowing me a kiss as I left.
My children’s father was such a good man. On a trip to New England, we were talking with another couple about what our epitaphs might be, and he said, “I hope mine would be HERE LIES A DECENT MAN.” That he was. Even though our marriage ended, we always honored each other and loved each other as very dear friends. What a gift!
Other gifts? Some of my former beaus, amazingly enough, kept in touch with me after we parted: they were concerned about what was going on in my life, and would occasionally call. Sometimes I met with them and their families as good men friends just like my good women friends. I couldn’t have asked for a nicer idea of how to have relationships that might not end as anticipated but can still be very positive.
Some of my spiritual leaders have been friends in addition to great influencers. I remember my Presbyterian minister’s comment when I was ready to go off to India and was considering learning a lot about Hinduism. I asked him if the New Testament says that only those who believe in Jesus can go to heaven, what’s going to happen to Gandhi? He replied, “I don’t think God would turn Gandhi away.” Those attitudes of tolerance transferred to me because of decent men.
Some of my dearest women friends had husbands who became friends of mine as well. My “bestie” from the first day of high school married a brilliant man who became like a brother. Recently, he passed away, and I felt as if I had lost a member of my family. He was inspirational, gifted with a great sense of humor, and a compassionate soul. After surgery, I awoke to his voice: “Hi, Jo. You are fine.” He had flown from San Francisco to Santa Monica to be by my side, as he thought no one should be alone after such an ordeal.
Merry Gentlemen – all of you who have helped me so much – Happy Holidays!
