By JoEllen Collins
My last column mentioned the memorial celebration I was about to attend in California on June 12. Since then, I have contemplated what I learned from that experience. A week later, I attended another ceremony for a stellar member of our community and realized I had opened my mind and soul to a different way of looking at the passing of those we love and respect.
You may be uncomfortable that I am examining these issues about death, but let me reassure you that this piece is about the surprising comfort we can gain from our recent sad farewells.
Lately, I have seen more obituaries than I could imagine, partly reflective of the pandemic but also because they are reminders of the now-absent lives of my generation. We who have survived COVID-19 and decades of life have to confront the pending and natural next step we face. We are sad at the loss of loved ones but also must face our expectations about what awaits all human beings.
So, while I cannot speak for the closest mourners, whose grief is intense, I wish to share my later-life reflections around the positives of my attendance at these two gatherings.
The main aspect I noted was that both of the subjects of celebration lived exceptionally meaningful lives. In the first ceremony, my cousin quoted the saying he grew up hearing, “Leave the world a better place for your having been in it.” That was my mother’s mantra and an inspiration for me to be caring and honorable, and this philosophy was exemplified by the tributes paid to the deceased in both services. These two lives were ones of positive achievements, strong marriages, close relationships with children, grandchildren and community, and with true concern and care for others.
The garden party memorial in L.A. celebrated a life of unassuming accomplishments. Many of the invitees were from other parts of the world or of varied ethnic groups whose lives had been changed by this family’s aid in helping them obtain visas, educations and more productive lives, spanning generations. The day was one of love, acceptance and a sense of fulfillment through unselfish living on this earth. I left with a gentle smile and overwhelming gratitude for having been able to spend my life close to this family.
The second service, in Ketchum, was surprisingly comforting because I have been privileged to know the mourned and his wife for many years: both embodied kindness, generosity, intelligence, senses of humor, and dedication. In addition, their positive actions of faith were evident and shared by most congregating. As we left the chapel singing “When the Saints Go Marching In,” I sensed joy in the way we had bidden our friend farewell.
I was reminded that honoring the great events of life, like birth, marriage, parenthood and death, is not only proper but a source of satisfaction for the soul and a way to remind ourselves of the richness of living such productive l