{"id":17474,"date":"2022-02-23T00:30:03","date_gmt":"2022-02-23T00:30:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/?p=17474"},"modified":"2022-02-22T21:12:29","modified_gmt":"2022-02-22T21:12:29","slug":"a-beijing-valentine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/2022\/02\/23\/a-beijing-valentine\/","title":{"rendered":"A Beijing Valentine"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Ken Stokes<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

A<\/span>h, Valentine\u2019s Day. Just you, your soulmate and a day anchored in extravagant, timeworn and wholly unoriginal rituals. Yes, currently my relationship status on all social media platforms is capital S \u2018Single\u2019\u2014not to be confused with capital U \u2018Untouchable\u2019 or some equally lowly caste. <\/span><\/p>\n

But do not cry for me, Blaine County. This year, on that highest of Hallmark high Holy Days, in lieu of filling myself with another\u2019s eternal love, or See\u2019s, or something else, I filled my day with the most extravagant winter sports spectacle known to mankind, the XXIV Olympic Winter Games, held in that internationally-renowned winter wonderland known as Beijing, China. I wonder who picked the venue.<\/span><\/p>\n

That this would be my romantic default during this, our Love in the Time of Covid, isn\u2019t a real stretch. After all, I spent my formative years hanging at Lex Kuna\u2019s cabin on Warm Springs (Lex being a ski instructor on Baldy) so the sticks are in the blood. Exciting? You bet. The Winter Olympics are fraught with speed, and danger, and Scandinavians everywhere you look. There\u2019s daring and beauty and artistry and a generous smattering of Swiss, French, and\u2014dare I say it?\u2014Italians. <\/span><\/p>\n

And the sports are, for the most part, way cool. Even the weird ones, like curling, which is basically a Big Bang Theory fanboy\u2019s physics problem come to life. And let\u2019s not forget biathlon\u2014cross-country skiing and guns. Why the Idaho State Legislature hasn\u2019t glommed onto this as the Official State Sport is anybody\u2019s guess. Probably because the participants tend to shun french fries.<\/span><\/p>\n

But the Winter Olympics, as a mistress, is losing its allure. It\u2019s not the sports or the competition that\u2019s the problem, it\u2019s the production. I\u2019ve been watching the Winter Olympics for over 50 years now, and even though it\u2019s parsed in intervals, perhaps, like any program that endures that long, it progressively ceases to be captivating. And then I think of SNL and say, no, longevity doesn\u2019t have to be a trap. <\/span><\/p>\n

Between the IOC and NBC, the Olympics \u201cshow\u201d has been templated to the point that, no matter the year or the venue, they all look alike. Each day is formulaic. Sure, there\u2019s the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, but it\u2019s all packaged so tightly that all spontaneity and surprise come off more like planned beats in a predictable story arc. If variety is the spice of life, then one\u2019s variety needs variety. Otherwise ruts form, and no winter sports enthusiast likes ruts.<\/span><\/p>\n

The strict adherence to tradition will be the death of the thing. The opening and closing ceremonies, despite the adorable kiddies, pretty colors and pop\/chinois soundtrack, are about as exciting as the annual installation of officers at the local Elks Lodge. Then there\u2019s The Warhorse. You know, the one with sequins. I understand that figure skating is the financial heart of the entire enterprise, but please join us in the 21st century. The incestuous little clan than runs the figure skating business is stuck in a paradigm that is hopelessly out of touch with contemporary sensibilities. Outdated production values (music, costumes, choreography) will overshadow technique and artistry every time. <\/span><\/p>\n

This year, Nathan Chen was the glaring and most welcome exception. Not since Torvell and Dean has there been an athlete that could make this sport a must-watch. Frankly, watching figure skating, particularly women\u2019s figure skating, is like car racing\u2014the crashes are the best part (\u2018Look at her face, she\u2019s definitely gonna end up ass down on the ice, in a slutty cocktail dress no less.\u2019). <\/span><\/p>\n

And this year they didn\u2019t stop there. A big thank you to the IOC and the ROC\u2014whatever that is\u2014for perpetrating and broadcasting a showcase of management ambition polluted with incompetence and an absolute disregard for human dignity. It (we will not disparage a 15-year-old Russian skater by naming her here) was the most indelible image from this year\u2019s games, and then to have the temerity to wrap up the games up with a rousing chorus of Beethoven\u2019s Ode to Joy \u2026 they\u2019ve got some nerve.<\/span><\/p>\n

How to save the Winter Olympics (given the albatrosses that are the IOC and NBC)? Well, the snowboard must have been sent directly from Jesus himself. And in the relentless pursuit of spreading risk among a litany of broadcasting partners, NBC is either ignoring or blissfully unaware of the single most significant shift in contemporary entertainment: technology can now put the spectator right into the athlete\u2019s skates, ski boots, whatever. Technology is our friend. Use it! Make thrilling sports thrilling.<\/span><\/p>\n

So what if I\u2019m single in four years and it\u2019s business as usual at the Winter Olympics? Well, I\u2019m not ready to dump them quite yet. You see, I happen to know that the 2026 Winter Olympics are going to be in Cortina, Italy. Honest-ta-God ski resort. And just a hop, skip and a jump from Clooney\u2019s villa on Lake Como. And Italians for as far as the eye can see.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Ken Stokes Ah, Valentine\u2019s Day. Just you, your soulmate and a day anchored in extravagant, timeworn and wholly unoriginal rituals. Yes, currently my relationship status on all social media platforms is capital S \u2018Single\u2019\u2014not to be confused with capital U \u2018Untouchable\u2019 or some equally lowly caste. But do not cry for me, Blaine County. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17477,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","_pvb_checkbox_block_on_post":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17474","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-commentary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17474","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17474"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17474\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17480,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17474\/revisions\/17480"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17477"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}