{"id":14168,"date":"2020-10-21T00:51:22","date_gmt":"2020-10-21T06:51:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/?p=14168"},"modified":"2020-10-21T00:51:22","modified_gmt":"2020-10-21T06:51:22","slug":"lets-make-a-deal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/2020\/10\/21\/lets-make-a-deal\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Make A Deal"},"content":{"rendered":"

BY CHRIS MILLSPAUGH<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"
chris Millspaugh<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I watched an old movie last night with Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise, titled, \u201cThe End.\u201d It\u2019s a story about facing death and trying to make a deal with the Higher Power to live on. In the story, Reynolds faces death by prying, wheedling and bargaining with his Lord to prevent his demise and he\u2019ll become a changed man.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust let me live and I\u2019ll give up smoking, drinking and fooling around with the ladies, I swear!\u201d<\/p>\n

As he begins to feel better after each near-death experience, he begins to waffle on his promises:<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, I\u2019ll smoke just 10 cigarettes a day, drink just three cocktails, and mildly flirt with the blonde at Western Union.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he becomes entirely well again, he changes his tune completely:<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Lord. I\u2019ll start with what I promised right after Christmas so I can celebrate the birth of Jesus in your name. Hey, does anybody have a cigarette?\u201d<\/p>\n

These near-death\u00a0scenarios occur throughout his life and he repeats his actions and vows again and again. Finally, it all catches up with him and he dies a broken man.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to approach this premise a different way by debating with my Higher Power regarding the upcoming\u00a0election:<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, okay, okay. If you could see your way to have Trump exposed in the presidential\u00a0race, I\u2019ll do the following: I\u2019ll give up HBO and Showtime and on-demand\u00a0movies. Now, if you could see\u00a0your way to influence victories in the swing states like Florida, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan and Ohio, I\u2019ll give up the entire Internet, eat only fruits and vegetables for the rest of my life, and never eat candy or drink carbonated beverages again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, I am ready to ask the big favor.<\/p>\n

\u201cLord, if it\u2019s\u00a0within your power to create a landslide victory for Biden and the Democratic Party in the election and take over the Senate and the House in an amazing rout, I will nullify my ability to laugh, watch only \u201cIdaho Reports,\u201d the Channel 11 10 o\u2019clock news from Twin Falls, and only stern dramas and documentaries.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll this just to get rid\u00a0of the \u201cOrange Oz\u201d forever. I swear that\u2019s what I will do!<\/p>\n

As election day nears, I implore you to make a deal with your personal savior, make the red states blue and bid Trump adieu.<\/p>\n

I made my vow. How about you?<\/p>\n

Nice talking with you.<\/p>\n

Editor\u2019s\u00a0Note: Mr. Millspaugh lives in a log cabin on a major thoroughfare with his cat, Myles, a registered Democat\u00a0(sp.) that eats only seeds and tufts of grass.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BY CHRIS MILLSPAUGH I watched an old movie last night with Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise, titled, \u201cThe End.\u201d It\u2019s a story about facing death and trying to make a deal with the Higher Power to live on. In the story, Reynolds faces death by prying, wheedling and bargaining with his Lord to prevent his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","_pvb_checkbox_block_on_post":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-commentary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14168","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14168"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14168\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/woodriverweekly.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}